Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My vagina just recognized that song.
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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