Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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