I CAN MOONWALK!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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