last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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