Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That accounts for only three of the penises
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
