i wish my penis had a tongue
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
