We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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