bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
