I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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