I queefed so loud it echoed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
