where am i from again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
