Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
