We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
