Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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