The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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