Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize