Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
