yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
