walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this is an emotional support booty call
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
