Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just tell him i said nine months
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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