i will never coherently bang her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
