hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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