Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
