OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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