I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
