Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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