And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
