i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
