I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
