fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just google imaged poop.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
