Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
