you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
