Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
