dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
