is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
