I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
