hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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