So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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