The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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