Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
