Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
