HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
