Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
