I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
