You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
