Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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