so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
