I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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