Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I cut my penus on the lid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
