Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
