his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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