dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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