I accidentally burped into my bong.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
