textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
