I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
