do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
