Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
