I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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