feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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