I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
